Joshua 24:14-15

Commitment to Family

Sunday May 9, 2010

Rev. Susan Cartmell

The Congregational Church of Needham

This week one of you told me about a funny conversation that occurred between you and your son in confirmation class. You were hurried and busy doing a lot of things for your family. Your ninth grade son quoted last week's sermon to you. He said, "Mom in the sermon last week, the minister said that it is not good to get so over-committed."  You confessed to me with amusement that you were surprised on a number of levels. First your son was quoting sermon advice to you. Second,  the sermon was about over-commitment.   You missed the sermon last week because you were on the Walk for Hunger and you assumed that any sermon on commitment would be a pep rally for more church work- not advice on how to avoid stress in your life.

While I don't want to ever miss an opportunity to make a plug for serving the church, that is not the topic this week, either. This week I want to talk about commitment to your family. I mention this conversation between a mother and her son because on a daily basis our families shape and inform our commitments. For most of us our commitment to our family is our first and foremost responsibility. It is also the training ground for commitment. It is the place where we learn how much we are needed by the people we love. It is the place where we discover how gratifying it is to give, without counting the cost. It is where  we love other as much if not more than we love yourselves.  It is in our families that we practice commitment every day.

Commitment is a buzz word, now. The coach of your child's soccer team expects your child to be committed to all the practices, and you to be sure you bring orange slices when it is your turn. If you fail to come through in these simple ways, how committed are you really? The teachers expect you to review the homework problems several nights a week - if you fail to do this - what kind of commitment to you really have to your child's academic excellence? If you don't start taking your children to look at colleges by the junior year - you are not really committed to your teen's higher education. If you are a aunt, uncle or grandparent you want to show your commitment to the children you love- traveling for  visits, graduations, tournaments. If your parents are getting along you feel responsible to help them navigate all the decisions around housing, and healthcare. And so it goes. It is hard for families to sort through all our commitments.

We hear a lot about commitment today. While I was working on this sermon I got an e-mail from my bank here in Needham. The branch manager has written to all the people with accounts. He pledged the bank's commitment to us each personally. Then he outlined what his commitment meant. It meant that the bank's promised  1.to be there for us, 2. to listen to our needs, 3. to help us define and pursue our financial goals, 4.to reward us for banking with them, 5. to reward us for finding new customers, and 6. to support the community.  He ended the letter inviting me to contact him anytime.  I read this e-mail and ran through a series of emotions. I did not need the bank to be there for me. I needed the bank to give better interest rates on my accounts. I did not need the bank to become chummy, all of a sudden.  But it took me a few minutes to really understand why this e-mail rubbed me the wrong way. After all they were talking about commitment.  It sounded good.

That is the problem isn't it? All the commitments sound good at first. But how do we prioritize our commitments. And how do we really honor our commitment to the people we love most - our spouses and partners, our children, our blood relatives, or our dear friends who have become family for us?

Joshua was an old man when he called the tribes of Israel together. He was the man who led them into the Promised Land after Moses had died. Joshua brought the people to Jericho and the settled in this region. So many of their trials were over. The people who had lived in tents for 40 years finally had homes. The people who had eaten manna had vineyards, and cattle. The people who had been wandering were finally settled. You would think that their troubles were all over, but the Promised Land brought new challenges. Prosperity brought other problems. Suddenly, the Hebrews were responsible for big ranches, and crops. Busy all week long, now they had less time for worship, and religion.  Surrounded by other people who worshipped other gods or none at all, it was tempting for the Israelites to ignore the holy days and forget about God. Ironically it had been easier to depend on God in the desert, when there were fewer distractions, but now it was hard to follow God in prosperity. Surrounded by all the new creature comforts, the people were wasting away spiritually.

Joshua had been with the people all his life he was worried. He could see that they had everything except real contentment.  He told them what they lacked was faith. If you forget God you will never make sense out of all your other commitments.  If God comes first, then other things fall into place. Joshua sums it up this way.  As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. What does Joshua's advice mean for our lives today?

In the first place, serving the Lord means we take a Sabbath. One of the most important of the Ten Commandments reads: Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. Six days you can labor and do all your work. But on the seventh don't  do any work- neither you nor your family nor anyone under your roof. For God made the world in 6 days and even God needed a rest. So God has ordained that you need a Sabbath -one day of rest every week. God says - you need down time. Everyone does.

Jesus rested when he was tired.  After he healed Peter's Mother in Law the word got out and people lined up at Peter's door. Sick people, crazy people, crippled people all arrived that evening. For hours - long into the night, Jesus healed them one by one, but before dawn Jesus was exhausted. So, when he could not do more, he walked away. He found a quiet place out of town to sit down and rest, and pray and relax. He left - even with a long line of people wanting more from him. (Mark 1:35 Jesus Unplugged , by Bert Gary Grand Haven MI: Faithwalk 2005, p. 66) His disciples tracked him down and found him all alone. They urged him to come back, but Christ refused. He was done. He could not meet all their needs.  That was his pattern. Jesus often left crowds waiting for more- more sermon, more healings, more counsel  or wisdom.. He did not apologize or ask permission. So many people followed him that if he had not set some limits the Bible says he had no leisure even to eat. (Mark 6:31-32)

Observant Jews use the Sabbath to re-fuel, to spend time with their families, to eat together leisurely. They turn off their cell phones, and computers.  No Facebook, no ipods, no schedules, no obligations. They hibernate for one day a week.  Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have permission to take a spa day every week.  How would it be to try finding a chunk of time each week with no interruptions?  How hard would it be to plan to take at least Sunday mornings off? Nothing until 1 p.m. ?  No games, no practices, no birthday parties, no excursions. Just down time. Come to church. Find rest for your soul. Or stay home and create space for your tired spirit.  Pray quietly or listen to your loved ones. Treat yourself to a whole morning off. Take the Sabbath; it is a gift from God for you.  

Secondly, when you serve the Lord you know that only God is perfect. We are all made in God's image, and we all have great potential. But that does not mean we should ever strive for perfection. Even Jesus made mistakes. He had a temper and he grew impatient with people. He yelled at the Pharisees and a Syrophoenician woman whose daughter was sick. He could not heal everyone and left while many were begging for help. Christ did not apologize for falling short, because he knew that perfection was a temptation and a trap.

We cannot be perfect sons or daughters. We won't be perfect parents; it is impossible. On Mother's Day we tend to idealize our mothers, and all the women who mentored and sustained us over the years.  For most of us the things that make us love the women who nurtured us wasn't their perfection or their attempts at it. It was those moments when things were not perfect- yet they persevered. It was those times when we saw their challenges or even their weakness and so we appreciated their kindness all the more. It was precisely when things were not perfect but these women found a sense of humor and showed us how to cope in an imperfect world. What makes all these mothers in our lives important people is that they want the best for us but also let us make our own mistakes - because they realize we'll never be perfect either.

Garrison Keeler makes a joke about Lake Wobegon at the end of his radio show. "That's the news from Lake Wobegon where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking and all the children are above-average."  Wouldn't it be a whole lot easier if we could look at our loved ones with pride and say - You are above average and I will always love you to pieces?  You may not always make good grades, but I enjoy watching you learn. You may not make partner or win your races but success is over-rated and you make me smile. You may not always make me proud. But I love looking at you. None of us will be perfect so cross that off your list.

Finally, this is your life so you choose. Joshua lined all the people of Israel up and told them that they were the only ones who could find happiness. No one would save them from their confusion. No one would fix their habit of chasing after so many things.  They were the only ones who could make God a priority. Putting God first would be different than adding one more commitment to the long list. It would be the commitment that made sense out of all their other obligations.

Joshua said, You are in control of this. You choose how to order your house. You choose how to organize your calendars. You choose what is important. As for me and my house we will choose the Lord. Every day we all make choices. We are the only ones who can do it differently.

Let us pray..Lord I offer my life to you. I ask that you create in my life, and in the life of my family, miracles. Amen